While going home from work some days ago, I overheard one lady talking to her friend in a cab about her worrisome mother-in-law. Although she claimed that her relationship with her husband was great, she was not happy with her husband’s “controlling” mother. She stated that her mother-in-law controls her husband like a little child. She calls on him to do everything. She even lives with us right now. He doesn’t spend time with me or the kids. His mother doesn’t allow him to. I am tired of all this. She even gets involved in the decision making in the house. I am just tired. Why can’t she go back to her house and spend time with her husband? I just wonder if I married a man or a boy? He needs to stand up to his mother!
Sincerely speaking, it is the woman’s fault and not her husband. Yeah! The reason why your husband pays so much attention to his mother than you, his lawfully wedded wife, is that she has set requirements and standards he dare not break and you have not. A real man is happy and eager to live by your rules, as long as he knows what the rules are and he is sure that abiding by those rules will keep the woman he loves happy. If you don’t set these rules, he will follow his mothers rules. She was the first woman to tell him what she would and would not accept. He followed her rules because he loves his mother and still does. These rules include respecting her, loving her unconditionally, protecting and providing for the woman who gave him life. He will relinquish these rules when he meets the woman he will have to spend the rest of his life with. And when you set the rules you must insist that he respects you (if you respect him firstly and equally!), that he puts you and your kids above everybody else after God and that he has to be clear to everyone involved in your lives that they respect your relationship and you.
You must accept that you can not compete with his mother. If he loves his mother and they have a good relationship, you are not going to come into the middle of that. But you can insist that your man act as a man when it comes to you and his mother. Let him know that you can not play second fiddle to his mother. That he must meet to the needs of his wife and kids before he meets to the needs of his mother. His mother may not like it but she will get over it when she realizes that her son is no longer a boy but a man and that he needs to be a provider and protector to his new family. His mother will come around and will also respect you as her son’s wife.
Stay blessed and have a happy married life.